Well, as you have read, little Julian lost his cancer battle.  His services were this week.  His mother has been so kind updating us through his illness and passing I wanted to share a bit of her last 2 updates as well as share the guest book to sign.  I am also going to post her address in case anyone would like to send a card of support.

This is from mom’s post:

If you dont mind please do not send flowers, but rather donate $$$ to Cook Children’s in Fort worth (www.cookchildrens.org) or to Make A Wish fundation ( http://www.wish.org/ For anything else (cards you want to send ) here is the address again,
Avery Family
111 aviator dr
Fort Worth,Tx 76179

Guest Book

And here is a part of her post showing that life must continue after a child is lost:

She crumbles on to the bathroom floor,an unbelievable pain in her chest… What just happened? She is bleeding . She places her shakey hands on her heart ,expecting to feel blood flowing through her fingers . She looked down at them , NOTHING…
The hole in her heart , the incredible pain, the deep sense of drifting away ,it was all about HIS death…
She is hurting beyond words…How can she explain? No one understands. Alone , on her bathroom floor, she is lost… Never will she hold him too tight again, never again will she kiss his mouth, never will she feel the weight of his little bald head on her chest and never will she have the taste of his tears on her lips…
“I want him back” She cries desperatly “I want him back,PLEASE GOD ”
She gets up and get in the shower, lets the burning hot water run on her face.Maybe it will wash away the tears, maybe even it will take care of the cruel pain …Maybe when she is done, things will be fixed and will be back to normal…
She gets dressed, looks at herself in the mirror and thinks “who is this person? ” Dark circles, a few more rinkles, red ,swollen eyes… It didnt go away, this is our normal from now on, our normal life now is us without him…
Out the door, she hears the laughter of her boys. One is missing… But they are laughing still… If they can laugh, why couldnt she? If they can play and smile, she can still hug and love them, forever , because she is their mother , simply because they are part of her just as he was, just as he still is…
By the grace of God, She still smiles, by the grace of God, she will keep on.
The bathroom floor will still be her refuge, but as long as the laughter rings behind the door, she will always get back up… 

Then her next post was about the viewing and who came.  Then the one line that really struck me was when she said she had to go get ready, but she did not know how to get ready for this.  How true that must be.  I remember it well when getting dressed for my mother’s funeral – putting on make-up and doing my hair while wondering WHY was I putting on make-up and doing my hair.  It did not seem right that I was making myself up for the day, just like any other day, yet this would not be a day like ever before.

Life does have to move on, but it changes forever at the same time.  No one should ever have to lose their loved one, but a mother losing a child is unacceptable – yet a reality.

I will continue to pray for this family in the days, weeks, months and years to come as they move through life with a piece of their heart missing forever.

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